You ever have those moments when you’re reading an article on the internet and you want to have a chat with the author just to see how a different view can give a new perspective? That’s where the energy for this article comes. Let me thank Daniella Veras for always finding thought provoking content. This article is an expansion of thoughts on the article she shared called 10 reasons why this generation is losing it’s ability to Love.
This time instead of playing arm chair quarterback in my head, I decided to put fingers to keys and express.
Let’s take it back. How many of you have been wondering about this idea/concept of Love? For me, it’s always been for lack of a better word strange. I remember telling my friends in high school that I should write a book and title it “Love is a theory, not a fact”. I would follow it up with how can people say they have something that there is as many definitions for as there are humans? I’m not sure if this makes me cynical, sarcastic or perhaps even a visionary, but its a concept that even back then I had mental struggles with. On a side note it’s not a book, but an article with the title is a good start!!! #crushing goals!!!!
Is this generation really any different than others? First thought is a definite YES!!!! For one there has never been a time where woman have had the amount of liberation that they currently enjoy. I know its not everywhere, but evolution is not an overnight process. Second, the Internet is a game changer for the human race, and if we take a moment to think about it the internet is completely in it’s infancy. Now the thing is to find correlations that these two new concepts may be the cause for this generation “losing it’s ability to love”.
Next I will go over with you all in complete vulnerability/transparency how I see/feel it.
1) First concept is that in this day and age we care more about Instant Gratification. Because of this it has created the idea that Love should be something instant and if it doesn’t produce instant results can be tossed.
A concept I’d like to bring up is adaptation. Let’s think about the late 19th century, where times were “slower”. If we look at it from this day & age, for sure everything was slower, but if you take a step back and drop the egotistical nature that we default to as humans & look at it from a different angle You would know that the people in that era thought that everything they were enjoying at the moment was at top speed. It just doesn’t look that way in hindsight.
Your Brain craves Instant gratification or feedback. That’s how it wires itself. It wants the same thing to happen again and again so that it can become quicker and more efficient at doing the task, till it becomes second nature. Yes Instant gratification is a habit, but everything we do is.
We live in a universe that moves forward. Yes, maybe Love will become something that is more of an Instant Gratification. Our brains like that instant dopamine hit & not just now, it’s been like this for some time.
As mentioned before there is no Concrete definition Love needs to abide by. We may just be coming into a new era where Love can last a moment. The one’s who can adapt to that quicker might have the spoils of possibly enjoying more of what this “New Love” may be turning into.
2) The second point made in the article is that Culture is driven by “Chemical enhancements” or Drugs & Alcohol.
Drugs & Alcohol or Chemical enhancement as I will refer to it is as old as humanity. Do people use it as a way to run away, escape, enhance, etc. For sure they do, but again this is not original to this generation. This is as old as humanity itself. Humans have always found the elements in nature that induce “Higher states of consciousness”.
There is something inherent in us that has a craving for it if not it wouldn’t be a part of EVERY SINGLE HUMAN CULTURE since the beginning of recorded time.
I do think the article makes a good point in saying that chemicals intensify whatever it is you’re feeling. That works both ways though. It can Intensify the good as much as the bad. Do you feel that the mindset should be more on what reaction is coming out, instead of the intensity at which the chemicals bring the reaction out?
3) Ah, the dreaded we Sleep around more now. This may be the case if you’re comparing current times to 1950’s United States Culture. I ask for you to again take a step back and think about humanity as a whole. There would be no chance at all that humans would be here if the early humans weren’t sleeping around A LOT!!! There was too much Disease and warfare for it not to be this way. Christopher Ryan author of the Book Sex at dawn goes into this in detail. He also has a TED Talk if you want to delve into this subject more.
Long Story Short, the evolution of monogamous relationships is also still a fairly new adaptation.
Some other Authors and speakers who get into these subjects are
4) Egocentricity. This one is interesting. The authors first paragraph on ego is as follows.
“Every individual in the world is egocentric; we all think about our needs and ourselves first and foremost. Whether this is good or bad doesn’t really matter; the world is the way it is. It’s part of human nature.”
Why is it OK to chalk up ego to human nature and not also chalk up that humans like to create concepts that are completely made up whole cloth by our imaginations, Such as the concept of Love. I am by no means concluding that Love does not exist. What I am questioning is why does the ego get a pass?
Ego, is a tricky thing. It is the source of so much drama, while at the same time it serves as a defense mechanism. It would be a great practice to become more aware of the ego and when to let it defend and when to practice telling it to quiet down, because really… This whole concept being written about is speaking to your ego. The title of the article in and of itself is written to spark your ego and flare it up.
5) We date, just to Date. Yes, you are living in an unprecedented time where woman have as much power to choose and create than ever before. Couple that with the Internet and we’ve got a modern day science project happening in real time all day everyday. When you imagine the late 19th century most woman had to marry who they were told to or had to marry someone in their town because there really wasn’t much option beyond that. These new concepts seem to be manifesting themselves through more dating. There’s just more option now than there has ever been. Especially in large cities.
In college I had to do a paper on woman’s lib and I found it thought provoking that in this day and age we say couples don’t stay together like they used too. This is correct, but again woman didn’t really have the option and for those that created the option because they were tired of their current situation a lot of times just left, changed their names and moved west. Hey, it happened a lot more than we think it did. It technically isnt a divorce if you just disappear. Who’d of thought I’d ever have to bring back the information I learned while doing that paper again!!!
You may want to get out there and date, Live in the moment. Its up to you to set expectations as to what you want out of these dates.
6) We don’t like to compromise! Is this really the case? How many of you know couples that shouldn’t be with each other but stay? In truth I’ve been a part of this more than once. This is a compromise. It’s not one that is spoken about openly, but being in relationships like these is compromising freedom, perhaps happiness, for comfort and piece of mind. It’s a different way of looking at compromise, but it is compromise none the less.
Maybe, just maybe you’re in a relationship that you rushed into and shouldn’t be in. So yes compromise, but it’s your choice to compromise your happiness. Relationships shouldn’t be a burden. They will be hard, but again not burdens.
7) The Fairy Tale Ending. Once upon a time….. They Lived happily ever after. Usually what comes between that is a lot of drama. Although we all say we don’t like drama. Drama is what life throws us if we like it or not. Drama serves a purpose. It sheds light on who you may be dating or in a relationship with for you to gather energy as to if you will mesh when the going gets tough. There may be incompatibility in handling drama and thats something you need to know before committing and compromising more of your time and energy.
Really, I think most of us have already realized that happily ever after is something we see in Disney movies.
8) Perfection. Here is another concept that as you get older you know does not exist. Imperfection is perfection. We’re all flying on this planet together gathering knowledge through our experiences. It’s of no use to hold people to some standard like they know everything and experienced everything they are going to learn. So much so that they have acquired so much wisdom as to becoming perfect.
9) Being driven to accomplish Goals is driving love lower in the priority column. This statement may have truth to it. I’ll confess to you that I tell woman that I’m married to my goals.
Being driven by goals, and the drive it creates puts blinders on other things in life. If your goal is to fall in love than it can happen quicker if you make it a goal. You should probably be dating as many people as possible though. Im didtn’t say you should sleep with everyone, but you need to meet people and be genuine and transparent.
If you’re goal is to get your start-up off the ground, find time to write, blog, grow a team, it’s real easy to see how unless someone just lands that can mesh with all of that(being that we had the ego conversation earlier can make things more complex.) It’s about as hard a task to find/create Love as getting your start-up off the ground.
10) Lastly the author says most of us are bad at loving. Let’s revisit Love is a theory, not a fact. Love has as many definitions as there are humans. You are allowed to do it however you want. You just need to find someone that freely entangles with the same manifestation of Love as you.
You know, for as many books that have been written about this subject were still as confused as ever. That’s O.K. though. That’s what makes this journey of life we’re on the roller coaster it is.
I don’t know about you but I LOVE roller coasters.
I invite you to come up with your Love theory, explore it, test it, and live it in the most liberating way you can. Your Love theory is your fact.
With That Just a reminder to… Keep The Dream Alive, Make The Dream A Reality…LIVE THE DREAM!!!!